Moving again

 6 years ago shortly after my CR trip I was compelled to move in to help my mom care for my dad who's dementia had progressed after a long time of worsening aphasia 

I prayed to God for the first time really sincerely in many years to help me do the best for my parents. To honor them and not my own needs. It was tough..but I did it. 

At the end of the day I never ever stopped believing in God. I knew I'd have to answer to him. I don't abandon people in their time of need. 

However as I relied on God I mostly relied solely on myself. This will cause a person under extreme stress to have many freakouts emotionally .many mini nervous breakdowns.

I had come to the conclusion that I had to medicate my dad against his will. I was my parents power of attorney so that was no problem. I got the meds .I made his food so I could crush them and easily hide them in his food.

His doctor gave me 4 prescriptions. Mirtazapine, olanzapine, Risperdal and eventually Seroquel. The first 3 made his lower abdomen (tummy) sore and or bloated. He tolerated Seroquel the best 

What prompted me to do this? Sundowning. When the dementia gets to later stages they stay up all night and wander or they just don't sleep at all. 

Things like melatonin, herbal sleep aids etc don't touch it. 

Believe me I would never have done it if it weren't a last resort. My mom wasn't capable of betraying her husband in this way so it had to be my dirty job. You are stuck between the lesser of 2 evils. It's more dangerous as they get aggressive and he was headed that way 

The Seroquel made him into a Pussycat. He was happy to go to ,"daddy daycare" and did so for a few months til c0vid hit. He had no idea of course what was going on in the world. He was happy to be fed and take naps with the cat..sit in the backyard and pretend to read 

He died within 10 days of being hospitalized. Yes it was awful to watch but relatively quick compared to some. When I went to emerg there was literally noone there.. during the start of the mask knockdowns. Now this is a hospital with normally a 6-8 hr wait time. 

That right there tells you what you need to know. All my "conspiracy" feeds were showing "film your hospital" videos showing exactly the same thing. 

Anyway..another day. Still gets me tied up in a knot at the Grand deception and the shock of how many people fell for it.