Thursday, June 18, 2009

The truth is stranger than fiction :)

People who are friends of mine often think that most of my clients are ugly, weird or dangerous.. this is normally not true. This past week however I've had a couple of weird clients...
1) a guy books me for a 1/2 hr "get-to-know you" session. Sounds reasonable enough. Many of my clients book only a 1/2 hr. Normally during these sessions I get naked fairly quickly into the appt (well I do that in the longer sessions as well because even chat time can be done naked ha ha..) This particular client wanted to chat first and sat across from me to do so.. launching into an explanation of why he wanted to meet with me. I was perplexed but listened for a good 10-15 minutes while he explained that his sex-life had gone dry with his wife and he had developed a sexual relationship with someone from a social outdoor activity that he shared with her. Then he explained how she had some other guy at her door one day when he arrived to visit her who proceeded to attack him (the other guy was much bigger). He ended up injured.. and here's where the story goes awry.. well more awry.. he took the guy out for a beer.. and had left her place without his blackberry amoung other things. She supposedly went through his phone and emailed this fellows female employee who he had confided in about this woman. She inquired as to his health following the assault. The story goes that she then sent a 2nd email to the guy's employee that was very explicit in nature and pushed the already awkward employer/employee relationship. His employee now doesn't think this woman is real and he wants her to prove that she is.. Not only does she refuse to help him out with this dilemna.. she leaves a nasty voicemail which he accidentally deleted.
Here's supposedly where I come in... he has supposedly accidentaly erased the email but has it written down word-for-word and wants me to reenact it on his voicemail to encourage the employee to believe his story. I instantly refuse... no way.. not for any price will I assist him in the deception. Hell ya this is an unusual request and I'm astounded at this age in my life I still encounter new things..
sooo after spending this inordinate amount of time listening to the story and then counseling him to leave this woman alone as she's obviously bad news and he got off easy considering she's now threatening to tell his wife if he looks for her...
I also advised him to apologize to his employee for involving him in his personal life and to never speak of it again.. but I realized that if she doesn't believe this person existed to begin with she likely has more reason to doubt his sanity than just this scenario and he was probably going to lose her anyway.
Now.. his other reason for visiting me was that he obviously needed to get his sexual needs met by a provider such as myself rather than a girl who might threaten his marriage. He was not in any head space to visit with me that particular day but assured me that after he had surgery on his injured shoulder and had recuperated that he would visit me.. I doubt it.. as his hidden agenda session seemed rather the point.. and illogical from the get-go.
My 2nd weird appt was today.. I saw someone who had had an accident several years ago.. received a brain injury from it and claimed (of course after I got there and did not disclose this prior to engaging my services) that he used cocaine to maintain normalcy. He assured me that he could maintain an erection while on coke as it had the opposite result.. ie calming his hyperactivity rather than making him hyper. The appt went fine for the most part but he was unsuccessful maintaining an erection or getting off.. oh well... nothing I can do about that I've learned. He had some severe issues with muscle rigidity and kept stretching to crack joints. I eventually gave him a chiropractic adjustment.. something I haven't literally done in years and was shocked that I was able to do it! I tried to advise him on minerals he could take and dietary changes which would help him.. but I doubt any of it got through.
I also saw one of my regulars yesterday before meeting friends on a patio.. and he's one I adore spending my time with... so thank god for my ''Normal guys''
BUT if I only saw normal guys.. I wouldn't have anything to write about! and yes.. 90% of my clients are normal everyday joes :)

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

married clients

It's amazing to me.. but I've had a couple conversations lately.. one male friend and one male client about married clients. They think it's wrong for married men to see escorts.

They are obviously single guys who've never been married. Here's the most common scenario for married clients that see 'service providers'.. a clinical term I've never enjoyed but we are indeed providing a service. It just sounds like I'm an ISP and I am to many people.. I mean if I got paid residuals everytime someone yanked himself to my photos or videos I'd be a millionaire.. so oops back to the topic at hand.

Married guy typical scenario. Guy gets married. They have kids. Wife becomes physically and emotionally disinterested in sex and exhausted..her body changes enormously and she's no longer happy with it and feels undesirable.. thinks sex will happen again when the baby stops breast-feeding and disturbing sleep... then thinks when baby goes to day-care/school.. and when it doesn't happen or happens twice a year.

I say.. what's a guy to do? He may have gotten complacent about his body and gained weight but he hasn't had the changes happen to him that she has and he still wants sex! I mean his sex drive was higher before the kids anyway.. now the height of it is obviously increased.

Here's where (tada!) the provider of sexual services comes in! It is immensely preferable to him having an affair.. which is the other alternative. Some go to massage parlours and will not engage in intercourse.. but let's be real.. masturbation isn't going to cut it.

So the suggestion was by this younger client that married guys who aren't getting laid should leave their wives. Hmm... rather simplistic viewpoint. Leave the wife and kids.. and the wife will be happier??? hell no. Wrath of a woman scorned. She will take him for 1/2 of everything and ask for child support and he ends up living in a friends basement. That's the typical scenario.. and he's punished for wanting sex? His alternative is to live a chaste life and/or use his hand. No fucking way.