Monday, January 31, 2011

guys wanting to get into porn

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Saturday, January 15, 2011

came for sex.. left with a plan

Every once in a while I get into a conversation that ends up being lifechanging for a client.. after the session. Small talk turns into a counselling session that either addresses an issue between them and their S.O. (wife/girlfriend) or family member. Or I address health concerns and direct them to a supplement/herb or homeopathic remedy.

Yesterday a client confessed to me that other than his S.O. who had stopped having sex with him but once/year I was the only other woman he'd been with. He was very enthusiastic during our session of course and thankfully didn't muddy the fun til afterward... what I mean by that.. is you can get depressed when you think about the reasons that brought you to someone like me if it's out of being left to yourself to satisfy your sexual needs.. or in his case not even being 'allowed' to self satisfy his sexual needs.

Selfish people piss me the fuck off... I hear of course more about selfish women then I do men in my career.. as they end up seeing me or someone like me. I mean if a woman is unwilling to look at through a therapist or from her doctor checking her hormones to find out why she lost her sex drive she has no business telling her partner who still has a healthy sex drive that his doesn't matter.

After quizzing him to find out if she'd exhausted all avenues (which she refused to do) I encouraged him to get counselling on his own and suggested some books that had made a huge impact in my life ('reinventing your life' for starters) and a course (landmark education) that made the biggest difference for me. I pointed out to him that if he made changes in his life causing happiness.. she would want what he wanted as we all deep down want to be happy.

Taking care of your own emotional and spiritual advancement is vitally important. Being selfish in this way is actually beneficial to others in your life so it's not really selfish is it?? It's you being the best you you can be and as you do that you will draw people to you who enhance your life and those who refuse to follow that path will fall away. Believe me.. it works.

The problem is people don't take the time to truly understand themselves and they don't take the time to work on their relationship with themselves.

Sex is one way of expressing myself and since I realized I have something men want.. I could sell my services. Many of my clients I'm sure are attracted to that 'mother earth' quality I have.. and that my friends is the true MILF experience.

Of course others have no care in the world for what I have to say.. and that's okay too. They are impacted by me in some small way through my SEXUAL care and nurtured by mother earth :)

ps. I had a previous client contact me after we had had a long talk about the landmark course and both he and his gf had attended... Good for them!

go here to check it out. If you go.. I highly recommend the advanced course.. after the 4 day intensive forum.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

tanning pics Jan 11

I'm using this mirror to take pics because I don't have a huge one like this at home. My camera doesn't take good pics without the flash unfortunately but my iphone does! the flash is a pain in the butt in a mirror to try and get around.. so here we go with some new pics. I got a cute royal purple lace top at Giant Tiger that I thought I'd showcase over my bra and panties.. sexy hey???

my spiritual journey

Long fucking story.. so I'm just going to go back to how I got involved with conspiracy theory and politics for now within in the last 3 years.

I was involved with a guy in Toronto briefly in 2007 and believe it or not on our very first date we went for a drink and met friends of his visiting from Montreal. I met G and S with him at the hotel they were staying at and then he took me to a seminar G was giving the next day on off-shore banking.. which was of major interest to me!

S stayed in touch with me after F and I broke up as we had so much in common in spiritual,holistic and now obviously financial/political interests. I was however very reluctant to disclose what I did for a living with them and was pretty sure F hadn't disclosed it either. The initial business interests they had with F dissolved as well and they didn't keep in touch with him either.

Anyway.. I went to a few more seminars with F that other people were having and learned so much! I recall my journey started with a firemen friend of mine sending me a link on Zeitgeist ( see my previous blogs or just google it).

These seminars lead me down the rabbit hole and I never looked back. I knew in my heart of hearts that the gov't was completely corrupt never mind who tried in good faith to get in there and change it. These documentaries only stirred my mind up more.

In any case... I attended the landmark forum that summer which I also found about through F and then I attended the advanced course.. thinking full well this would be the vehicle I needed to get rid of some baggage which it did.. and would likely open me up to getting back into a medical practice. It not only did not do that.. It sent me on my journey to LA! I was spurred on to follow that vision.. surprise surprise.

I went to Arizona for a couple months that fall.. and then in Jan I attended a 2nd Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas (AEE) and made more friends in the industry.. and well you know that story from a week ago.

While I was in LA... S kept sending me wonderful emails keeping in touch with me and inviting me to visit them in Montreal. I kept them at arms length until I finally gave up and just outed myself to her in an email. Because they were so spiritual in nature I thought they might be 'religious as well' in nature as some are and find what I was doing to be 'sinful'.. you really never know who is going to find what you do hilarious and intriguing and who is going to spurn you. Thankfully they were of the former category. She told me it was awesome I was 'off the grid' already in my thinking and financial earnings.

I was relieved and when I got back to Toronto I reconnected with them. They were visiting other friends in Toronto and we met for lunch whereupon I told them I was ready to go ''offshore'' in my banking. They replied with ''we are so far beyond that now'' and I started attending more seminars. Now.. I know this may be intriguing to many of you reading this.. but other than finding your own rabbit hole through the groups/links/videos on my old blog about politics I really can't help you. I value my privacy too much to let you know when and where these meetings are hosted but you can find your own if you open yourself up and educate yourself.. is a great resource but find blogs/forums etc and the universe will provide for you. It did me :)

The law of attraction really works... read up on it.. fill yourself with it and grow from there. There is so much more to life than meets the eye. Look deeper.

kissing and bbbj - uh.. nope.. not here! usually...

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I'm not looking for the ''right guy''

Thanks for the comments and support re: cheating. I was just rambling... and I've had some lovely relationships over the years.. but I'm not looking for the 'right guy'.

I have gone on a spiritual path in the last few years that has changed my focus from thinking finding an appropriate romantic relationship was the be all and end all.

I blame harlequin romance novels and fairytales for that belief as well as my mother's voice in my ear. What mother doesn't want all her kids to grow up, get happily married and provide her with some grandkids.. Mine is one of those..but other than my sister.. none of us has provided this for her. I know she's given up on me. She also wanted me to be a nurse like her and she was a fantastic nurse.. but it's just not for me although I did pose like one in a mag.. kind of freaked me out actually.. seeing myself in the old style nurses cap like my mom had when she graduated from nursing back in the 60's. I know she's given up on one of my brothers as well who is a confirmed bachelor.. but the other she's still holding out hope for :)

It's not to say I wouldn't be open to meeting someone like Annessa who is my best friend and co-conspirator in duos etc.. in a male form. I'm not a lesbian.. I need cock.. so someone like her in male form would be perfect in most ways.

It is to say that talking about cheating isn't the reason I'm not dating anyone.
The reason I'm not actively seeking a romantic relationship is two-fold. I'm happy living alone. I don't need a man to 'complete me'.

My spiritual journey is something I'll talk about again in a few days.. in the meantime something else is on my mind.

see the next post.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

pic from my lesbian flick Darling.

Sandy Bunz added me on facebook the other day. He was the director for my lesbian flick 'Darling' that I did with Skyler Morgan. Some of you local Ottawa and Toronto boys were lucky enough to meet Skyler when she came back with me from Florida. I met her at Girlz inc (that blog is way at the beginning). We ended up spending a ton of time together and bringing her back with me to Toronto where I lived at the time was when I introduced her to her first snow! When we drove to Ottawa we drove literally through a blizzard and the amount of snow we ended up having that winter here was frightening to her. She was afraid we would be snowed in and she wouldn't get This little blond lovely (she's wearing a dark wig for this movie) was from Louisiana and had a cute southern accent.

Anyway.. she made Georgia her home and eventually went back.. but we hooked up again once I made it to LA and this was the only film we did. I still haven't received a copy of the movie. Sandy had promised both of us 100 copies for a reduced filming fee... but this was right around the time so many companies felt the pinch of free video sites popping up and right after releasing our vid he folded his company.

At least it was produced. The number of films I did that are unreleased is disheartening.. and people keep asking me when I'm doing more films. I'd love to shoot!!! but free downloads have literally killed the business.

Anyway.. Sandy had this photo of the 2 of us on his profile so I snagged it. If anyone has a copy of Darling please let me know.. I'd love to see it :)

Saturday, January 8, 2011


Cheating is whatever you and your significant other determine it to be.. for the most part anyway. I mean for some people kissing is cheating.. for swinging couples it may be only that. You can fuck whomever you want so long as I'm there.. or not. couples decide on the parameters before an event. Look up swinging if you're interested in soft vs hard swinging etc.

Cheating for me is fucking anyone other than me. Making out with.. etc would be cheating as well. I've only had one relationship where we hired a girl for a 3 some and we did it twice. That's not cheating. We set up the rules before hand. No kissing and no fucking. I just wanted to watch him get blown.

When I see couples.. I never initiate anything with the male partner unless the wife/girlfriend directs me to do so. I never have a problem and so far everyone I've seen has been extremely happy. The guys are thrilled to see their wives with another woman and watch her enjoy it! They're usually just happy to be able to watch. Any touching is a bonus. It's wonderful to watch a woman turn from a shy unsure nervous curious person to the 'director' of her own scene. Actually with one couple the woman made the man stay outside the room for 'her session'. He obviously found that hot so that was a cuckhold situation. I'm sure he was listening in on everything and got the play by play afterward.

I've had some pretty hot sessions with couples.. one was my first time seeing squirting up close. I probably mentioned this a while back in the blog but it bears repeating. I brought a strap-on which I really don't care for inside of me but I like fucking other people and putting on a show for them. This was no exception. I put it on her and had her stand in front of the mirror whereupon I got on my knees and sucked her cock. She loved it. Just goes to show you that sex is as they say 90% between the ears because obviously this was merely visual for her and not tactile. It was hot...

The way the session ended was even hotter however. She and I were doing 69 with her on top while she was getting fucked by her partner above my nose. When he pulled out of her she orgasmed all over my face! I was drenched. We all laughed when they realized what happened and they both came to lick it off my face. I later found out it was her first time squirting and she continues to squirt to this day. I'm not jealous. I have squirted a couple of times but with a ton of effort and oit was very uncomfortable fo rme..

I enjoy my regular orgasms very much and am of the school of thought that 'if it ain't broke. don't fix it' It would be a nice ability to squirt because guys are fascinated by it and it would put on a good show.. but I don't feel I'm missing out on anything.. plus it's less clean up :)

anyway.. back to cheating. I was cheated on by J. I was cheated on by T. In both cases it was very early on in the relationship and both were forgivable. Strange circumstances which I won't get into detail on. They both fell madly in love with me and I with them but because of what I do I think they were confused about the parameters. They were both very clear on the parameters after the cheating was exposed and in each case both were devastated at how hurt I was... it's not fucking worth it to hurt someone so much. We got over it.

My last serious relationship was about 3 years ago. He cheated on me with a t-girl which fucking blew my mind! I have fantasies about guys together and knew he was interested in experimenting with me... and I had been working on setting that very fantasy up with a guy I knew who was bi... so when he cheated on me I was astonished. I only had this bi guy to talk to about it because no-one else I knew was experienced with it. My guy didn't know if he was bi or not.. but when stressed apparently he was! Under stress it's amazing who we can turn into.. because he doesn't even think about it when he's not stressed..

At the time we dated he was broken up from a very dysfunctional relationship and thought he wanted sane and normal me.. but he wasn't done with the drama. I knew that experience in my life but was done with it.. I had had a drug addicted, gambler boyfriend who sent me through the wringer in 2002. I had a hard time extricating myself from that relationship so now easily recognized the symptoms/red flags in other men like him. M wasn't familiar yet with how this worked and his inner turmoil played havoc with him. I tried to get over it.. but the cheating was just a symptom. Over the next couple weeks I realized he was sabotaging the relationship in order to go back and finish his unfinished business with her.. which he did. They tried again and fucked it up of course.. and he's now doing the sane single thing...after about a year.. I was ready to talk to him about it.. we remain friendly.

People often ask me why I'm single.. assuming it's because of what I do. No way.. I've had several relationships over the 20+ years I've been in this business. I finally learned how to be happy single is all.. and I am. Yes. I get lonely sometimes.. but not sexually. I find if I have good friends which I do.. and now my puppies to keep me company I'm really content. Relationships are hard work. But if and when I'm ready to do it again I'll be way more selective in my men :)

I'm not saying cheating is the problem. I'm saying if I don't know exactly what I want in a partner.. the universe provides a mishmash of that uncertainty.