shit happens

Last week I had to de-friend someone who's been hanging around in my life the past couple months. I had issues with this guy being irresponsible with alcohol, shooting off his mouth inappropriately (which of course can be funny but often was off-putting) and with his behaviour with dating girls. It's one thing to watch this and sit back from a distance but I have a big heart and he was rather entertaining to a point... so I had let him crash on my couch several nights instead of having him drive to his cousin's place which was an hour away so he could hang out with some of my friends and myself. We shared alot of similar interests not the least of which was live music (he played guitar as well as sang), karaoke and patios. Long story short.. I felt this guy was using me a bit too much and had to tell him he was no longer welcome to crash on my couch. I was a bit depressed about the whole thing for a day or two but went off to a great party in Oshawa at my friend J's house with L for the weekend. We both needed to get away from 'stuff' and it was a blast. We had margaritas, mohitos and martinis.. just coincidence that they all started with M :)

It started off as a girls afternoon from 2pm-6pm with massages (a massuese was set up in the basement), pedicures and manicures poolside (not my thing). I had a massage and many drinks..and snacks and then after 6 pm people started arriving for the evening euchre tourny. There were several of the same people as last years party and several new ones. The last time I played euchre was the year prior and probably not since high school before that.. so I was rewarded with winning the lowest score at the end of the tourny.. I had a blast anyway as usual... then at 11 pm or thereabouts J asked me if I was ready for skinny dipping.. which I was.. and promptly disrobed in the living room to walk outside stark naked to the pool.. the guys and girls standing outside had their mouths open. UH... hadn't they heard about last years party?? tee hee.. J undressed by the pool.. and we swam and I giggled while she swam towards me and then under my legs as I stood in the shallow end. After 15 minutes or so we headed to the hottub and a few stragglers eventually joined us. It was only a softtub so normally holding 4 people is tight never mind the 8 or 9 we ended up cramming in as the night progressed. One couple started molesting me in the tub at one point.. I was okay with the tits being fondled but beyond that ... nope. I got out rather than disturb the mood they obviously thought was a swingers hottub. I was proud of L who had no previous history of being nude in such an environment.. whereas J ..well we had a history of alot of interesting things each on our own and as a duo. The stories in Tremblant of our adventures are still probably being talked about ;)
Fast forward to today.. I get messages from one of my favorite regulars who I've been seeing for about 6 years that that fucker Earl Jones who turned himself into police wiped him out.. and he can no longer afford to see me. This particular regular is one of the first guys I filmed with for my site.. while he paid me for appts. He's sexy and someone I'd consider dating if he weren't already married.. we have a fantastic chemistry and I really don't like anything fucking up a good thing. I felt horrible for him. I reassured him that we'll work something out and he is coming by for a hug and to see my face tomorrow.. his life turned upside down. He's held me (not very professional I know.. but hey clients do become friends sometimes) when I broke down crying over a breakup 4 years ago.. and I've held him when his mother was in the hospital close to dying..
He's the 4th person close to me in the last 4 years who has been wiped out by some unscrupulous person. 2nd client.
I was already feeling a bit depressed by the letdown of this friendship breakup last week and feeling a bit lonely as my sister has gone awol again off her meds. Probably some letdown from all the fun after bluesfest and then J's party..
when my mom calls to tell me my cousin was killed... stabbed to death. Now I wasn't close to him anymore as he'd gone and moved far away as well as gotten into drugs and been in and out of jail but I had known him well when he was little. He and his younger brother came to live with us for some months when his mom and dad divorced. It was our only broken marriage in our large extended family and we really enjoyed our time having them with us. He was younger than me and hadn't seen my uncle in 10 years so I guess it was like he was already dead in someways.. but a stabbing death really affects me. It's not like another of my cousins who died of cancer 2 years ago or even with an older person. He was 40.. had teenage kids who didn't live with him and I'd seen his younger brother happily at a family reunion last August.
I had a good cry after I got off the phone and will likely attend his memorial when I find out the date.
Tomorrow I have 2 of my good friends from high school who are both visiting their folks near Kingston coming into O-town. If we can coordinate all 3 of us hanging out.. it will be awesome and a sorely needed healing session after the news I got today. Did I mention these fucking allergies are driving me nuts and wiping me out this summer?

Oh. ps. C had married guy and his employee both find out about one another.. married guy is now out of the picture and 2nd guy is staying. I'm happy for her.. although both were hotties.. with 2nd guy it has potential :)