my spiritual journey

Long fucking story.. so I'm just going to go back to how I got involved with conspiracy theory and politics for now within in the last 3 years.

I was involved with a guy in Toronto briefly in 2007 and believe it or not on our very first date we went for a drink and met friends of his visiting from Montreal. I met G and S with him at the hotel they were staying at and then he took me to a seminar G was giving the next day on off-shore banking.. which was of major interest to me!

S stayed in touch with me after F and I broke up as we had so much in common in spiritual,holistic and now obviously financial/political interests. I was however very reluctant to disclose what I did for a living with them and was pretty sure F hadn't disclosed it either. The initial business interests they had with F dissolved as well and they didn't keep in touch with him either.

Anyway.. I went to a few more seminars with F that other people were having and learned so much! I recall my journey started with a firemen friend of mine sending me a link on Zeitgeist ( see my previous blogs or just google it).

These seminars lead me down the rabbit hole and I never looked back. I knew in my heart of hearts that the gov't was completely corrupt never mind who tried in good faith to get in there and change it. These documentaries only stirred my mind up more.

In any case... I attended the landmark forum that summer which I also found about through F and then I attended the advanced course.. thinking full well this would be the vehicle I needed to get rid of some baggage which it did.. and would likely open me up to getting back into a medical practice. It not only did not do that.. It sent me on my journey to LA! I was spurred on to follow that vision.. surprise surprise.

I went to Arizona for a couple months that fall.. and then in Jan I attended a 2nd Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas (AEE) and made more friends in the industry.. and well you know that story from a week ago.

While I was in LA... S kept sending me wonderful emails keeping in touch with me and inviting me to visit them in Montreal. I kept them at arms length until I finally gave up and just outed myself to her in an email. Because they were so spiritual in nature I thought they might be 'religious as well' in nature as some are and find what I was doing to be 'sinful'.. you really never know who is going to find what you do hilarious and intriguing and who is going to spurn you. Thankfully they were of the former category. She told me it was awesome I was 'off the grid' already in my thinking and financial earnings.

I was relieved and when I got back to Toronto I reconnected with them. They were visiting other friends in Toronto and we met for lunch whereupon I told them I was ready to go ''offshore'' in my banking. They replied with ''we are so far beyond that now'' and I started attending more seminars. Now.. I know this may be intriguing to many of you reading this.. but other than finding your own rabbit hole through the groups/links/videos on my old blog about politics I really can't help you. I value my privacy too much to let you know when and where these meetings are hosted but you can find your own if you open yourself up and educate yourself..

brasschecktv.com is a great resource but find blogs/forums etc and the universe will provide for you. It did me :)

The law of attraction really works... read up on it.. fill yourself with it and grow from there. There is so much more to life than meets the eye. Look deeper.

I'm not looking for the ''right guy''

Thanks for the comments and support re: cheating. I was just rambling... and I've had some lovely relationships over the years.. but I'm not looking for the 'right guy'.

I have gone on a spiritual path in the last few years that has changed my focus from thinking finding an appropriate romantic relationship was the be all and end all.

I blame harlequin romance novels and fairytales for that belief as well as my mother's voice in my ear. What mother doesn't want all her kids to grow up, get happily married and provide her with some grandkids.. Mine is one of those..but other than my sister.. none of us has provided this for her. I know she's given up on me. She also wanted me to be a nurse like her and she was a fantastic nurse.. but it's just not for me although I did pose like one in a mag.. kind of freaked me out actually.. seeing myself in the old style nurses cap like my mom had when she graduated from nursing back in the 60's. I know she's given up on one of my brothers as well who is a confirmed bachelor.. but the other she's still holding out hope for :)

It's not to say I wouldn't be open to meeting someone like Annessa who is my best friend and co-conspirator in duos etc.. in a male form. I'm not a lesbian.. I need cock.. so someone like her in male form would be perfect in most ways.

It is to say that talking about cheating isn't the reason I'm not dating anyone.
The reason I'm not actively seeking a romantic relationship is two-fold. I'm happy living alone. I don't need a man to 'complete me'.

My spiritual journey is something I'll talk about again in a few days.. in the meantime something else is on my mind.

see the next post.

cheating

Cheating is whatever you and your significant other determine it to be.. for the most part anyway. I mean for some people kissing is cheating.. for swinging couples it may be only that. You can fuck whomever you want so long as I'm there.. or not. couples decide on the parameters before an event. Look up swinging if you're interested in soft vs hard swinging etc.

Cheating for me is fucking anyone other than me. Making out with.. etc would be cheating as well. I've only had one relationship where we hired a girl for a 3 some and we did it twice. That's not cheating. We set up the rules before hand. No kissing and no fucking. I just wanted to watch him get blown.

When I see couples.. I never initiate anything with the male partner unless the wife/girlfriend directs me to do so. I never have a problem and so far everyone I've seen has been extremely happy. The guys are thrilled to see their wives with another woman and watch her enjoy it! They're usually just happy to be able to watch. Any touching is a bonus. It's wonderful to watch a woman turn from a shy unsure nervous curious person to the 'director' of her own scene. Actually with one couple the woman made the man stay outside the room for 'her session'. He obviously found that hot so that was a cuckhold situation. I'm sure he was listening in on everything and got the play by play afterward.

I've had some pretty hot sessions with couples.. one was my first time seeing squirting up close. I probably mentioned this a while back in the blog but it bears repeating. I brought a strap-on which I really don't care for inside of me but I like fucking other people and putting on a show for them. This was no exception. I put it on her and had her stand in front of the mirror whereupon I got on my knees and sucked her cock. She loved it. Just goes to show you that sex is as they say 90% between the ears because obviously this was merely visual for her and not tactile. It was hot...

The way the session ended was even hotter however. She and I were doing 69 with her on top while she was getting fucked by her partner above my nose. When he pulled out of her she orgasmed all over my face! I was drenched. We all laughed when they realized what happened and they both came to lick it off my face. I later found out it was her first time squirting and she continues to squirt to this day. I'm not jealous. I have squirted a couple of times but with a ton of effort and oit was very uncomfortable fo rme..

I enjoy my regular orgasms very much and am of the school of thought that 'if it ain't broke. don't fix it' It would be a nice ability to squirt because guys are fascinated by it and it would put on a good show.. but I don't feel I'm missing out on anything.. plus it's less clean up :)

anyway.. back to cheating. I was cheated on by J. I was cheated on by T. In both cases it was very early on in the relationship and both were forgivable. Strange circumstances which I won't get into detail on. They both fell madly in love with me and I with them but because of what I do I think they were confused about the parameters. They were both very clear on the parameters after the cheating was exposed and in each case both were devastated at how hurt I was... it's not fucking worth it to hurt someone so much. We got over it.

My last serious relationship was about 3 years ago. He cheated on me with a t-girl which fucking blew my mind! I have fantasies about guys together and knew he was interested in experimenting with me... and I had been working on setting that very fantasy up with a guy I knew who was bi... so when he cheated on me I was astonished. I only had this bi guy to talk to about it because no-one else I knew was experienced with it. My guy didn't know if he was bi or not.. but when stressed apparently he was! Under stress it's amazing who we can turn into.. because he doesn't even think about it when he's not stressed..

At the time we dated he was broken up from a very dysfunctional relationship and thought he wanted sane and normal me.. but he wasn't done with the drama. I knew that experience in my life but was done with it.. I had had a drug addicted, gambler boyfriend who sent me through the wringer in 2002. I had a hard time extricating myself from that relationship so now easily recognized the symptoms/red flags in other men like him. M wasn't familiar yet with how this worked and his inner turmoil played havoc with him. I tried to get over it.. but the cheating was just a symptom. Over the next couple weeks I realized he was sabotaging the relationship in order to go back and finish his unfinished business with her.. which he did. They tried again and fucked it up of course.. and he's now doing the sane single thing...after about a year.. I was ready to talk to him about it.. we remain friendly.

People often ask me why I'm single.. assuming it's because of what I do. No way.. I've had several relationships over the 20+ years I've been in this business. I finally learned how to be happy single is all.. and I am. Yes. I get lonely sometimes.. but not sexually. I find if I have good friends which I do.. and now my puppies to keep me company I'm really content. Relationships are hard work. But if and when I'm ready to do it again I'll be way more selective in my men :)

I'm not saying cheating is the problem. I'm saying if I don't know exactly what I want in a partner.. the universe provides a mishmash of that uncertainty.

How I got into the porn industry

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How I got into the escort industry

I often get asked this by clients and through email correspondence.. so thought I'd update you all here.

I was 24 years old but I don't remember exactly what month or year.. except that I was putting myself through post-graduate school in Toronto. I was working initially 3-4 shifts on weekends as a security guard but when trouble at home caused me to move out from my parents I began working full-time nights and attending a heavy courseload during the day..

I had an already weakened immune system and this of course eventually pushed me over the edge. Something had to give. A girlfriend of mine answered an ad in Now magazine for an escort agency and went for an interview.. Knowing very little about what was required and assuming an escort had to be a model look alike I had no clue what assets I owned. I was about 160 lbs (I'm bet 180-190 now) and a full DD cup. I was very very nervous and interviewed in mid afternoon prior to heading to my 4-12 shift as a security guard. This was for Aphrodite escorts and was an outcall agency only.

She told me to call when I was done my shift.. and not realizing I had already been hired (I expected to have to go in for a 2nd interview.. much like a normal job) when I called she told me to put on a dress and get ready for a car to pick me up. I really didn't have time to think about it which was probably a good thing or I may have chickened out! Back then I wore a basic beige bra and granny panties..lol.. and probably only owned one dress.

I can only recall 2 of the 3 appts when I look back as both were strange and never to be repeated again. The first one I was dropped off.. called the agency as was explained to me after getting the money and proceeded to get acquainted with the guy on the couch. He explained to me that he was visiting a friend or friends and that we would be staying on the couch. I was nervous that someone would walk in on us! An hour went by rather quickly and at 5 minutes to the hour I got the phone call that the driver was there and to get ready for him. (this was their procedure in every case and we were to say something other than 'yes we had the correct fee') to let them know if the driver needed to come back up... but I never ever had any trouble.

It was the policy for the clients to discuss only money with the agency/phone girl and never with the escort. If he wanted to talk to the escort first about dos/don'ts on the phone that was fine but if he discussed fee we were always to redirect him to discuss that with the agency. This was to avoid legal issues.. but years later they got busted not because of the business but because they had soooo many girls in cars coming and going from the agency which was run in a rather affluent neighbourhood. Dumbasses!

The reason I left? This particular lady (and I use the term very loosely) who owned the agency was a hardened individual who sent me on appts with guys that she knew would cause me grief without warning me. I therefore felt no guilt when I left her service and kept the phone #'s of 2 of my best regular clients.

One of the reasons I don't like agencies is because most of their business starts late at night.. often after midnight and because it was strictly outcall some of the guys would be drunk or even stoned/doing drugs during the appt.

I prefer now how I do incalls during daytime/evening hours. Many of my clients are visiting me on the way to work or between appts if they work out of the office.

Anyway.. so I left my first appt very excited because I'd just made 120 bucks. The agency charged 200 for the hour plus 40 transportation. I got 120 out of 200. I met a couple of other girls in the car and one of them and myself were then heading to the Royal York hotel together.

She was gorgeous.. a brunette stripper from Montreal. Her sister also worked for the agency and was a blond. I have no recollection of either of their names now but I do recall how dumb this girl was. She used the word chaos in a sentence but pronounced it Chows. Trying to be cautious I asked her what her first language was.. because I figured if it was french I would correct her and she would appreciate it. Nope! It was english.. so I kept my mouth shut.

So! she was the more experienced of the 2 of us obviously as I had pretty much just lost my escorting virinity. Without bothering to fill me in on our circumstances she takes me up to the room and I was shocked. There were about a dozen guys in a circle in chairs.. and I was shown one to sit in. I was like a deer caught in headlights nervous as a small kitten. While she got the financial arrangements taken care of I watched as an obvious streetwalker sauntered around the room offering $50 blowjobs to any takers. A very drunk lecherous man started lunging toward me and practically drooling on me when another man rescued me and showed me to another room. The brunette went with the guy who was quite attractive and I was given to a 65 year old geezer.

My geezer turned out to be a sweetheart! He had been made a widower and had never been with anyone other than his wife. He was very gentle.. took about 5 minutes total and we chatted a bit. I'm sure he could tell how nervous I was... and he tipped me 50 bucks!

I don't remember anything else about that night. I know I had a 3rd appt somewhere in there but I guess because both of those appts had me so un-nerved I remembered them so well.

Knowing me know as well as some of you do know through my porn or even in person you wouldn't suspect me of being shy and self-conscious.. but sexually I was very shy!

I was mostly a tom-boy growing up with an occasional penchant for girly things and being 'buddies' with most of my male friends had no clue they even had crushes on me never mind wanted to bed me. I was a virgin til I was 21 and for 2 years after heading to Europe I was a born-again Christian.. which meant I was celebate during that time. This is not to say I hadn't had my share of one-night stands and even some relationships but I wasn't the most experienced. I didn't even know how to give myself an orgasm til about 23.

So I went straight from being a christian to being a hooker! I am now what I call a 'heathen'. I don't consider myself an atheist.. but I don't still consider myself a Christian either. I am spiritual and well my beliefs are another blog all together and off topic but I decided when I began escorting that sex wasn't a 'sin' and to let that religious guilt my mother would have me endure not be a part of my life.

My parents now know what I do.. but for the first while I had them convinced that the reason I had a pager was that I was 'on call' for my security job and was now promoted to a supervisory role so I had to go to work on a moment's notice sometimes. It worked out well until my sister during a pretty volatile argument blurted out my real job to my mother! I was livid and didn't speak to her for months afterward. I begged my mother not to tell my father and she kept it from him for about 2 more years until I bought a house with my earnings and figured it was about time we fill him in on my real job.

He was fine with it! I couldn't believe it! I fully expected my father to dis-own me but he had no issue with it. Considering his religious authority (he was a minister for some years) thankfully he actually now talks my mom down from the emotional 'ledge' she sometimes gets herself on regarding my job. He loved it when I was in sales as he wanted me to follow in his footsteps but I was never really happy at it. I consider myself somewhat of a salesperson now though.. and can properly back up my product rather than try to pass someone else's product on to an unsuspecting patron.

I always enjoyed customer service when I could fulfill someone's order and in that way my job now gives me immense satisfaction. The part of the customer service job I didn't like of course was dealing with unsatisfied clients who were angry because their ordered wasn't delivered or it was the wrong order. They didn't care at all that I wasn't the actual person responsible for it.

In the escort world this happens when you work for an agency who practices bait and switch. I would sometimes get sent out on a call and told to pretend I was 2 inches shorter or a few years younger/older. What a crock!

As my own boss I don't have to put up with that bullshit and what you see is what you get!

There are soooo many perks to this job. I get to work from home. I get to make people VERY happy. I get laid.. and the pay is great!

My first night working for the escort service I saw 3 clients and made 500 bucks. I called my security job the very next day and quit! no notice.. Never wore that navy blue polyester uniform again. I am sorry that I never got a photo of myself in it though.. really sexy (not!)

Oh.. and that's when I became a blond too! the blond sister of the girls from Montreal left the service shortly after I started so Alexis (the owner) asked me to go blond.. which I did. I was under the illusion that blonds were more popular and since I had gone back to being a brunette 10 years ago when I re-entered the escort industry here in Ottawa I contemplated having to go back to being a blond. Guess what? Many guys actually preferred me brunette!

Once in a while I dream I'm a blond again..and it did suit me but man it's a lot of upkeep.. I had to do my roots every couple weeks. Not that big of a deal really and I could do it again.. but it's sooooo much easier to stay my natural color :)

tanning pics Dec 9

tanning pics Dec 7

accidentally had it on video mode..at first

Iphone pics at my tanning salon :)

xmas party pics

Slow Suffering Handjob - Jerkygirls clip on xhamster

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