Thursday, January 21, 2010

I cum like a man

so.. alot on my mind sexually speaking. I still try to understand the psychology behind arousal.. behind the act itself and behind the reasons why I or those who have sex with me do it... and I'm sure I will never understand it all.. but I do have fun trying to figure it out.

I was watching a movie where the 2 lovers had their first kiss.. and of course the first kiss is so intoxicating.. and the following ones can be as well. I wondered to myself.. do animals have passion when they copulate? How much of it is a need, how much is a desire and how much is just instinctual?

How long does it take before lovers lose their passion for one another? In some cases it's as soon as that first case takes place. I mean.. I've had it happen where I was on a date or in one case I was in school and a guy I was friends with I had wanted to date for about 2 years.. but either one or the other of us was in a relationship. When it came time for us to finally hook up.. it was awful.. for me at least. What a disappointment.

In some cases it's years... others it's months or weeks.. but eventually.. almost always we lose our passion for someone. Or someone loses it for us. That's inevitably when a guy comes to see me :) His wife has lost her sexual desire either after having kids, after going through menopause.. or after getting married as so many jokes go.

Back to the kiss... I love to kiss. It's the first thing that spurred that intoxicating addiction to the desire to be turned on. My first kiss was at 19 yrs of age! I was in university.. I was drunk and I was at a toga party. I had been flirting with the guy over a few weeks with longing looks.. but had never had the guts to speak with him. When he spoke to me.. he had admitted noticing me and eventually when slow dancing we started making out. I laid hickeys all over that guys neck. He brought me back to his dorm room and the making out started getting more serious.. and I quickly jumped up and said I had to go.. poor guy... he thought we'd end up dating and said we had plenty of time for other stuff later on. He had no idea he had a virgin on his hands never mind a kissing virgin! I avoided him for the rest of the semester. I was disgusted with myself.. why I don't know... but I was ashamed. Ashamed perhaps of how much I had let go.. or that people saw me? I don't recall now.. it's so long ago.. BUT I did know I wanted to feel that again. A great kiss is the best way to make me wet.

That's my personal life of course. I know alot of girls are GFE - meaning french kissing and usually bareback oral.. but that's not me. I keep my personal life separate from work. Which is not to say that I don't get turned on in my work or that I don't like my clients. Certainly of course I can't possibly be human and be attracted to all my clients.. nor would I date them in real life. I have dated a few over the years but then the parameters are different of course. Occasionally I'm really attracted to someone beyond the sex and we develop a friendship and a relationship. Never however does this line get crossed with married clients (save one time when I was very new to escorting and I fell head over heels for a married man who shortly left his wife for me but eventually we parted ways and he's still with her to this day).

So.. why do I mention this? that kissing is important to me? Kissing allows me to be swept away in the moment.. to let go. to fall off the cliff and into the sexual bliss. I can't do that with clients? why? I have to be on my toes. Same reason I don't drink with clients.

I'm a professional. Would you drink at work? Even bartenders who are around liquor if they are professional don't drink. It's not a date.. quit trying to replicate a date. It's sex.

It can be passionate. It can be extremely pleasurable but it's not a date.

Just trying to set the stage for how I cum in an appointment. Btw.. I don't need to cum and in fact fucked for years with a ton of pleasure before I even knew what a clitoral orgasm even was! The euphoria I get from intercourse is not the same as an orgasm but it lasts way longer (depending on how good the fucking is and how long it can last) and is often better in many ways.. so I'm not disappointed that I don't cum unless I've been brought to the brink and don't make it over. Then I must finish it off myself if I can :)

Some clients ask me do I cum. Some ask me what I like.. stupid question in my opinion... b/c there is no recipe. Guys usually have a recipe so for them it seems logical. Lick my cock on the underside, stroke it this way, squeeze my nipples...stroke my balls, fuck in this position... etc etc etc.

I don't have a set scenario while you are going down on me (this of course applies to those who do and want me to cum before they can go on with their own pleasure). I do however have a few scenarios to visualize in my head which sometimes involve you.. and sometimes they don't. They are private.... however... here are a few I'm willing to share. recent ones...

2 of my girlfriends are kissing each other and stroking each others tits.. then.. I am stroking my cock (yes.. I have a cock in these visualizations) and ask them to come over and lick it for me.. detailing what to lick and how. Then I either cum on their face, on their tits.. or fuck their pussies.

What? I didn't mention I imagine having a cock? sorry but hope you're not so homophobic that when you're licking my pussy I imagine it's a cock.. but those who know me well enough are fine with it :)

You see.. a clit is really just a little tiny cock. I've studied anatomy and physiology.. and when a girl is made it's only because she got less of a hormone that would have morphed that clit into a full grown penis... so I indeed have true penis envy.

I wish I had a cock and could explode with that lovely white semen you guys are all so proud of and want all women to love and swallow or rub all over their tits/face.. that you can grow to a comparatively enormous size from that flacid state and play with or mark your territory with...

Plus.. and you may think I'm a nutcase... but frankly I don't care if you do.. because those who believe what I believe.. well we have that special club membership that provides us spiritual peace.. and those who don't probably don't care about spirituality so what I believe doesn't matter to them if they just wanna fuck :)

Plus... I believe I have been male in so many of my past lives that it's easier for me as well to remember cumming that way. and I swear my orgasms have become better.. stronger and more expressive since I just accepted this about myself. Cumming like a man works for me. It feels way more satisfying... and I've been doing this for a long time..

The other way I cum is from love. When I'm in a commited loving relationship.. I'm overwhelmed with that warm love feeling. Frankly I don't have that kind of time with a client... and guess what? I don't love you! pretty obvious huh?

There have a been a few clients I have felt that with... lust? love.. whathave you.. and I can cum from that but it's not advisable. I don't need to get imprinted and neither do you :)

I remember reading reviews somewhere where a client would say he had to stop seeing me because of those feelings... and I can relate. You are paying me to leave.. not to stay. Seeing a professional is so you don't get into an emotionally enticing affair and leave your wife.

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