Friday, March 25, 2011

Pussy Poker Rant

A friend of mine every once in a while laughs and refers back to my pussy chewers rant as being her favorite post of mine..perhaps she'll get a laugh out of this one too.

I had a client last week who did pretty much every thing wrong you could do in a session..
First of all he booked me because he felt like he knew me from my blog.. but in my head as I left I had to ask myself. How well do you know yourself???

Now I have been learning to take everything people say with a grain of salt lately.. but still try to take them at their word until they prove to be completely full of crap :)

He claimed I was his first escort.. no reason to disbelieve that. He claimed I was his first white woman.. again no reason to disbelieve that. His first claim that threw me however during the course of getting to know one another was that he didn't masturbate. Now for a woman.. this is possible.. I've gone long periods of time without it.. but I rarely if ever believe a man when he makes this claim.. and the thing was he had no good reason for his logic except to say that it was a show of self-control (even though he claimed to be horny all the time). Made absolutely no sense to me.

He also told me in his relationships he didn't have sex right away with the women he dated.. and wouldn't date someone who'd had a lot of sexual relationships before him. To me this just means a man hopes the woman won't have had enough sexual experience before him to be able to compare him if he falls short.

So.. anyway this guy oscillated between being very shy and being aggressive. I'll explain....
He would start to get amped up.. and then I could see the horniness factor overtake him. Unfortunately I would have to stop him and focus his energy elsewhere. I was lying on my back and he was exploring my body with strong massage like strokes. Enjoying my legs and my abdomen.. but then he did something I've had happen a few times.. he squeezed my flank (side of my abdomen) so tight it hurt. I told him to stop.. but it was like he didn't hear me.. I told him again.. and this time I had to grab his hand to unclench it from my side.. and tell him again.. I was telling him firmly mind you.. not angrily.. and so he responded by saying.. oh you're sensitive eh? Yeah.. I'm sensitive... I replied.

btw.. if you're reading this buddy.. you left me with a small bruise. That's not normal!!!

Anyway.. I try to be delicate and sensitive to a person who's rather inept with women.. all part of good customer service.. but there's a limit.

next strike.. was him finger fucking me (hench the rant title). Guys who can't maintain an erection or cum too fast seem to think it's a great idea to use their fingers as a dildo and fuck you as if they were doing it with their dick. uh.. no. At least not for me.. can't speak for all women.. but I don't like it with a dildo either.. but it's worse with the finger fuck if you can't do it right.

How it's done right? start with one finger.. and make sure the pussy is well lubricated either with saliva or by her from your fantastic foreplay :) do the come hither motion by tickling toward the gspot. ASK before inserting a 2nd finger if it's okay.. personally I rarely like a 2nd finger. One is great.

How it's done wrong? Put 2 or more fingers in and ram with all your might like you're punching the kitty.. your knuckles pummeling the pelvic bones as you do. This is what this guy was doing to me.. and I kept trying to explain to him not to do this.. but as guys will do when they're used to doing something a certain way.. and get amped up.. they don't listen. I finally told him that was off limits.. and distracted him with my tits.. which funny enough he played with absolutely appropriately.. never hurting them.

Strike 3.. he started to get hard as I stroked him while he played and sucked on my tits.. so I got a condom and proceeded to blow him. This got him really hard and then he grabbed my head and fucked my face basically... this is a huge no-no for me.. I can't deep throat and I don't like having someone control my head. This is a great way to choke someone and I'm not into that..

So.. after a few strokes of him trying to ram his cock through my head.. I figured.. hey he's hard.. let me see if I can get him inside me. I figured since he was being shy and kinda weird and displayed a fondness for my butt as well.. I'd turn around and let him do me doggie style. Nope.. we made a couple of short lived attempts at humping that way and then he went limp.

We kept talking during this time to figure out what would work for him... and this is when I said to him.. that perhaps if he stopped thinking of needing to be ''in love'' with a woman and since he got really hard from the porn style blowjob action.. that he think of me that way (which would have been the logical thing.. except he claimed he didn't really watch porn or hadn't watched mine either..). He wasn't able to.. so we decided to finish up chatting.. and he never did get off and he sent me home a bit early... all the while we were absolutely pleasant to one another.

All of this to illustrate.. how tough my job can be to get inside someone's head to make them happy.. but in some cases it's not possible. If all of what he told me is true.. he's not a candidate for ''hiring girls''.. because you have to be capable of having a one night stand before being capable of hiring a girl for sex. If you're not comfortable masturbating..or admitting to it.. you're probably not going to be able to comfortably actually make a connection with me. I'm connectable.. believe me.. but don't be unrealistic in your expectations.

Frankly I think this guy was on something.. something just didn't seem right about him.. not in a dangerous way.. just not in a grounded way.

I'm not trying to be mean.... I'm just trying to be real.

1 comment:

DJ-King-Mustafah said...

It like he was just down right crazy..lololol Oh and as for your dogs I love them when there that small