Okay..long time readers know I have fallen into this trap a few times.. having been manipulated by a sibling literally since about 3 or 4 years of age (maybe longer but I don't remember!).
I fell into it with a few people in my life since.. quite a few. It's a hard pattern to break. While dealing with a friend's issues who's mom is dating a sociopath I fell upon some articles that made some light bulbs go off for me! Some of you might see them as well.. and hopefully the red flags will wake you up so you don't get caught again.
This has happened to me both with males I'm in love with and with males and females I try to love as friends. I still live and learn.
I have chosen this particular article but found there were several on the net that rang true for me. In almost all the cases in my life though either alcoholism or drugs were definitely a factor in the person's lifestyle that made them in my personal opinion act in such a manner.. BUT that in no way shape or form makes me give them an allowance for the behaviour. I now believe that sociopaths choose drugs to empower them further to be able to commit the behaviour not the other way around.. why? just experience.. but also..
I remember how many times my sibling manipulated me as a child.. so that was several years before drugs came into the picture as a teenager.. BUT the drugs amplified the behaviour and the pathology immensely.
The hardest part for me in this last experience I personally went through.. was realizing the relationship was all a lie. BUT then it was much easier to let go.. because I realized she wasn't in her right mind. Simple eh? No.. not really.. but I've been through this quite a few times I realize now.. just in different guises. So it's a quicker healing process now.
At first when the sociopath manipulates, lies to you and treats you like dirt when they are done with you.. you think there's something wrong with you. You lash out in pain.. you cry.. you get angry.. you beat yourself up. THEN you realize you were never the problem. They never really loved you.. they were just using you. THAT's not about you! That's about them. AND they can't be changed. The sociopath isn't capable of real love.. only fake love.
My friends keep saying to me when something like this happens.. You don't deserve this. You're such a nice person etc etc. Guess What? All of that has nothing to do with it. It isn't about what you deserve. You're naivete is the reason. And you have no idea how to see through the guise. It isn't until something happens that their mask falls off and you are shocked to see their true use for you. When they are done with you and have no more use for you they will be cold as ice, have no remorse and hurt you where they know you are the weakest.
Here is what I mean. This is another link that I have to admit shows what a target I can be.. and I'm sure others can see themselves here too.
I get lonely.. (who doesn't) I may not need a boyfriend but I need girlfriends in my life. I am definitely nurturing, trusting and trustworthy.. those are my main marks for a marksperson such as these. The nurturing is of course what makes me a good ho! come on.. you knew I'd bring it back to that eventually didn't you? :P